Night Owl 6/Night Owl's Shareware - PDSI-006 - Night Owl Corp (1990).iso/004a/type_.zip/TEST.REG

Text File | 1980-01-01 | 9KB | 132 lines

Mrs. Calvin Coolidge went abroad after her husband died and
she was afraid there would be an unnecessary fuss made over the
wife of an ex-president.  "Don't worry," her traveling companion
said.  "Where we will be going, no one keeps track of one president
or another."  And no one did bother her, until in a small Italian
town they received word that reservations had been made for them in
the next town.  This sounded ominous and when they arrived at the
hotel they were greeted by the hotel owner.  Bowing deeply he said,
"We are proud to welcome the wife of the great president of the
United States.  Will you register, Mrs. Lincoln?"|The White House was undergoing periodic repairs.  President
Calvin Coolidge found his way to the attic one day and the
contractor and architect were studying the rafters and beams.  The
architect pointed out how badly burned the timbers were from
the fire the British set in 1814.  The timbers needed replacing,
but the question was, should it be done with wood or more
expensive steel?
The President examined the damaged wood and told the
contractor, "All right.  Put in steel beams and send the bill to
the King of England."|When Truman returned to Independence, Missouri to vote
in the 1948 elections, a group of news reporters were assigned to
stay close to him at all times.  They landed at the Kansas City
airport and found the President had already arrived and was on his
way home.  With a noisy police escort scattering traffic out of
the way, they raced after him in a press car, but when they
arrived at the President's home he wasn't there.  He turned up
sometime later and a reporter asked what had happened.  "Oh,"
said Truman, "we were stopped by a police car and had to pull
over.  Seems there were some very important people going through
town."
|The man's peculiar habit was becoming impossible to live
with:  he couldn't finish a sentence without snapping his
fingers.  Finally his wife persuaded him to go and see a
psychiatrist.  During the interview with the therapist the
man's finger snapping habit appeared.
"Do you love your wife?  Do you argue?"
"Oh no (snap), she's a wonderful woman," the man said.
"What about your work?  Your boss?"
"My boss (snap), he's a great guy.  Terrific to work with." (Snap)
"What about your parents?"
"No problem (snap).  They're great too.  (Snap)"
The doctor was getting desperate.  "Then why are you
constantly snapping your fingers?"
"Oh," the man said.  (Snap)  "That's to keep the elephants away."
"But there aren't any elephants within 2000 miles of here,"
the therapist said.
"See?  (snap)  I told you it keeps elephants away."|The late Rabbi Stephen S. Wise, a dynamic speaker, opened a
talk one day with:  "When I make a speech, I actually make three
speeches.  The first is the one I prepare before I even see my
audience, and let me tell you, it's an excellent speech.  Then I
face the audience, and I somehow feel this is not quite the right
speech for this audience.  So I tear up my first speech and deliver
an impromptu one.  There again it's a wonderful speech.
Then comes the time for me to go home and I think of what I
should have said.  That is the best speech of all.  So, if you
want to hear a good speech, walk home with me tonight."|During his campaign for governor of New Jersey in 1940,
Charles Edison, son of the inventor, introduced himself by
explaining:  "People will inevitably associate me with my father,
but I would not have anyone believe that I am trading on the name
Edison.  I would rather have you know me merely as the result of
one of my father's earlier experiments."|A student government officer at the University of San
Francisco wrote concerning the use of the honor system during
exams.  He received this reply:  "The University abandoned the
honor system several years ago when it became evident that
the professors had the honor and the students had the system."|A young English reporter was frequently reprimanded for
relating too many details.  Warned to be brief, he turned in the
following:  "A shooting affair occurred last night.  Sir Dwight
Hopeless, a guest at Lady Panmore's ball, complained of feeling
ill, took a highball, his hat, his coat, his departure, no notice
of his friends, a taxi, a pistol from his pocket, and finally his
life.  Nice chap.  Regrets and all that sort of thing."|In 1928 thirty-three year old Paul Galvin had already failed
twice in business, having been forced out of the storage battery
business by competition.  Undaunted, Galvin attended the auction
of his own business and with $750 he bought back the battery
eliminator portion of it.  That was the beginning of Motorola.  Upon
his retirement in the 1960's Galvin said "Do not fear mistakes.  You
will know failure--continue to reach out."|At the turn of the century an eager young man asked business
tycoon Bernard Baruch for a sure and certain way to make a
million dollars.  Baruch said there was one sure way:  "All you
need do is buy a million bags of flour at a dollar a bag and then
sell them for two dollars a bag."  Baruch didn't know the young
man would take him seriously.  But that was how August Hecker
went on to start up Hecker's Flour Mills, once the largest
company of its kind in the world.|Once Professor Albert Einstein and Dr. Chaim Weizmann sailed
together to America.  When they arrived in New York Dr. Weizmann
was asked how the two had spent their time on the boat.
"Throughout the voyage," Dr. Weizmann replied, "the learned
professor kept on talking to me about his theory of relativity."
"And what is your opinion about it?"  "It seems to me," concluded
Dr. Weizmann, "that Professor Einstein understands it very well."|Christopher Latham Sholes coined the word typewriter and
patented the first commercial machine in 1868 (some earlier
versions of the typewriter, intended primarily for the blind had
been invented in 1714).  Sholes' typewriter was manufactured by
Remington and there were some famous early purchasers.  Mark
Twain typed "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" on his machine in 1875
(this being the first typewritten manuscript).  Henry Miller was
the fastest of the author-typists.  Probably the most complex
typewriter available today is the Chinese typewriter with 5,850
characters on which an expert can type only 11 words per minute.|An acquaintance of mine once went to work for an editor in
a New York publishing house.  The editor had a formidable
reputation for attention to detail.  After a few weeks I asked my
friend how he liked working for someone so thorough.  He answered
that if the editor were publishing a dictionary he'd require an index!|Honor Tracy, a witty Irish author, was not too pleased with
the looks of the English edition of her most recent book.  She
sent the London publisher a copy of the ever-so-much handsomer
American edition with a note reading:  "As the cock said to the
hens when he showed them the ostrich egg, I am not disparaging; I
am not criticizing.  I merely bring to your attention what is
being done elsewhere."|When Franklin Roosevelt was first elected President he found himself
burdened by old files left by previous administrations.  Repeatedly
he called the State Department and asked if they could be removed to
one of their storage units.  But the State Department gave him the
run-around.  They either promised to get back and never did, or they
said there was no room when he knew there had to be.
One day he took matters into his own hands.  He had himself
wheeled from the White House to the old Executive offices next
door.  With the Under-Secretary of State Sumner Welles
accompanying him he made a surprise inspection at the close of
the day's business.
At random, he picked an office halfway down the hall.
F.D.R. entered without announcement to the consternation of State
Department aides and clerks and picked the middle drawer in the
first file cabinet he found.  He opened a folder and read its
title, "Horses in China."
"I suppose this is an example of the top-priority files the
State Department says can't be destroyed.  Well, they can
now--and the old files are coming over here," he said.|"What a strange looking cow," said the Chicago city-slicker.
"But why doesn't it have any horns?"
"Well, you see," said the farmer, "some cows are born without horns
and never had any, and others shed theirs, and some we dehorn, and
some breeds aren't supposed to have horns at all.  There are a lot of
reasons why some cows haven't got horns, but the reason why that cow
hasn't got horns is because she isn't a cow--she's a horse."|@